Blind date number one; I had the life sucked out of me by the champion of emotional vampires…. People always put their biggest effort in at the start and then the not so good traits creep in – this guy started off negative about the entire world. When he said online that he’d given up his career in construction because of the stress and pressure, I assumed this was a man who’d grafted to the extent he could almost retire off it at 30. No, he was in admin and had quit after making a mistake with a print-out and fled before anyone found out it was him. He’s spent 9 years since on the reception of a family friend’s funeral directors – and has apparently adopted the personality of a corpse as a result. I counselled the poor chap for as long as I could bare – not so much because I cared, but because my ego couldn’t cope with someone topping themselves on a date with me.
I then went on to receive interest from a man who had 13 profile pictures, taken in succession in his office chair, each with increasing severity of cheesy grin, and the last of which had a superimposed dolphin, ginger cat and dog around his head.
Troubled by the fact my profile picture was obviously saying I am seeking someone really weird with an absent gauge of humour, I sexed-up the photo (just to clarify I mean stepped-up from a hiking photo and not performing naked splints and squeezing honey over my knockers). Add a bit of rock n roll edge and boom! Extremely funny man appears! I make joke about death, he makes joke about being a serial killer. This is an immense start. He has since sent me brilliantly appalling lyrics from Chaka Demus and Pliers.
In other news; I apply for decent job, I get interview and immediate request for second interview. I’m more or less told it’s mine when I leave, then a phone call to say are deciding on which of the two posts to place me in. Four hours later – a call to say the jobs are suddenly unavailable. I bought a massive brie triangle and defrosted and ate 11 sausages. I felt a bit better, if a little full.
So I remain envelope-stuffing, miles from home. The lovely lady in marketing threw me some copywriting which was amazing for 10 minutes until she got caught and I was put firmly back in my ‘admin temp – know your place!’ position. They apparently have ‘kick the admin/reception staff’ celebration days, but on a good front, I took the Queen bully by the horns and, despite my attempt to be assertive, stopped just short of throwing her threw the window…. oh well, points rewarded for bravery. And I am now left alone!
Finally, what a wonderful confidence boost to receive, not one but three, calls from the cash cow (!!!!). The penny (or 10 million quid) has clearly dropped that I had that place whipped into shape, but they’ve failed to realise the gangster criminal scene is not really my style. Eyes now wide open. (I say this but the chance of me naively going on to date a serial killer is highly likely. Oh well, at least it would be a good blog).