Very Similarly to drinking two and a half bottles of red wine and then going on one of those cup-and-saucer rides, the thought of internet dating makes me feel very sick.
Having been pushed against my will, I had a glance at a site thrust at me by a friend this week – and instantly wanted to wash myself.
Despite having some lovely friends that shop for men online, I can’t see myself ever getting over the following issues:
1. You can’t detect an energy vampire from a profile.
2. If I have time to browse 45000 men and read messages like “fancy riding the love train?” then it’s time to call the local vet and have myself put down.
3. It’s not safe to meet strangers.
4. I can’t reject anyone without suffering the guilt of an adulterous and I can’t hack rejection without focussing on the fact that I look like Alan Davis and have the sexual prowess of a mop.
5. A friend of mine internet dated and was asked for her full medical history and that of her family during the first date.
6. The same lass in point 5 landed another chap who spoke at length of his love of ‘tractor dancing’ and it’s benefits to the farming industry. (When you have to cut a date short for the genuine excuse of “ironing” it’s not worth the hassle).
7. As quoted by an internet-browsing friend “there are too many bald people called Barry.”
8. There is no option of a joint account option – so you can at least share the work burden with a friend.
9. I know a guy who used the site Grinder to get laid and the liaison resulted in a broken nose from an inappropriate measure of force during oral sex.
10. Another real experience of a friend was being taken on a date to a budgie show in a local leisure centre by a chap with ill-fitting clothes and scratches on his head (which she was certain were caused by his budgie).
11. I just simply find it a turn off. Possibly unfair and incorrectly judgemental but it’s like Russell Brand driving a Daewoo Matiz: I’ve lost all respect.
Mia Darlone 